Tuesday, November 13, 2012

An Answered Question #update

Well, thats not an ordinary number, i thought. It was a special date with a sequence number. For some peoples, they celebrate their wedding or others special moment in this date. But, i will not tell about their story in my blog, of course. I will tell about my story. 

Because in this date, a question since a long time ago was answered and a promise becomes real. 

Oke, here i am. A long time ago, someone gave one promise to me and ask me to wait the answer after graduation. Oke, at the first time, i feel like.. oh, my, i'm so terrible, so down, but, i've tried to cover it up. I've tried to pretend that nothing happen between us. I've tried to pretend that everythings is okay. Okey, its hard for me. Sometimes it success, but sometimes it failure. I've tried to treat him as always. But, the more i try to get closer, the more i think that we're get so far. 

As time goes by, i think that he forget with the promise. I think that he has someone's new. I think that i just burden him with that promises. Oh, my, i feel so guilty. Then, i learn to let him go. I learn to forget him. Eventhough, the more i try to forget him, the more i thinking of him. Bittersweet, huh! But, then, in that moment, i learn that its oke for me if u be my friend. I try to release my ego that he is the one but not for me.

By the way, i have to go to Malang next week because i got job in there. And in that date, he write about the answer in one of socmed. At first time, i feel jealous. Of course i did. who's the girl is it? Eventhough i have no authorithy to feel like this, eventhough i've been have someone who... argh, it was confusing time.

After he reply who is it, i just realize that it was me. what?? wait... its ME? am i wrong when read it?  Oke, this is absurd. Well, i'm shock. 

Then why u just answered it right now? Why u're not tell it just after we graduated? I thought u're forget and make it just a game for you. Why u tell it when i will go so far away from u? Why u tell it when i have someone?

A lot of questions were spinning in my mind. And it make me dizzy. Of course, i still have feeling to you. But, i think its not the right time. we'll be in different place and we cant meet for... i dont know when we'll meet once again. You say i should move on? how could i? I'm so complicated now..

I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my husband?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life
( If you're not the one_Daniel Bedingfield )

Well, at the end, we'll never know what future will bring us right? One thing for sure is, let the time answer it and hope that would be the best for us, because a feeling like a weather, right?

NP: thinking of you_ Katy Perry, If you're not the one_Daniel Bedingfield